So many things between the beginning of October and now, the beginning of November. I am back on to unleash some Arctic winds of thoughts that are howling around my mind before I sleep. So my halloween/day of the dead surprise visit to my family in Texas was a HUGE success- and i got to finally play with Mestre Cafu's group in an open roda!! For those of you who don't understand the significance; I watched this group for a YEAR - a year just watching!- yet frozen with fear and shyness to participate.
So I reflect tonight on having conquered a couple of fears- finally! Wow. It is nice. I mean I have other fears but to actually have had a big one and then not have it after having it many years- it's like Tahiti, it's like tres leches cake, it's like my kitty purring so perfectly! So I can speak Spanish, play Capoeira (albeit Angola style), and Salsa with no fear!! So incredible... but now to ground myself before my wax wings melt...
After having seen my beloved family, after hugging people so important to me, after playing with no fear, and now returning to my cold-water-shower, broken car, tiny town of Tulum, I lay on the floor and try to cry- I think about how precious all of those things are to me- and the tears just won't come out- and I just realize that my master of zen- Guadalupe/Oshun/Yemaja- have thrown my out of from the oh-so-warm covers of my momma's guest bed and back onto the stone bed of my path- and that I know in my heart somehow that everything I am learning is imperative and irreplaceable. And so while I continue uncomfortably, I can breathe and feel my lungs are healthier; I can walk and smell the ocean mixed with tacos and street dust of wandering animals and rickety vehicles, and feel my eyes vivid with life, and my nose inhale completely, and my leg muscles curve just a little stronger. So my tears will stay inside as eye lubricants this time, and I will sleep and have a nice, long Wednesday in Tulum, accepting that although I do not understand how it is not always best to live with the company of your beloveds, that I can trust in the universe and spirit.
1 comentario:
Abrazos gigantes a ti... You made the choices yourself, but we are proud to know you did surmount a fear (internal struggles are the toughest, no?). It was so nice to see you, meet your loving family, and sample all that delicious food.
I wish you a fruitful journey over there -- by yourself sometimes but never alone, as you know -- now that your tears are on hold, I'm eager to read where you go next.
Much love from Mike and Nora and me...
xoxo!
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